First and forrmost dont judge me plz to well me and my wife been separated for eight months ?

I have to admit it was my fault we probably separated becus I was not abusive but rough wen I wuld get mad like pull hair throw her down pressure points etc but no hitting I actually got punched and kicked alot but thats why.it is our second separation we did not talk for about two months then I caught her with a dude that she sed was nutn so a week later she calls me to go eat so me her and my daughter go eat she sed it was becus she didnt want me to think it was anything we wuld go everywhere together after till about two weeks ago. I always asked if she wuld take me back and we had plans to then she changes wnt answer my texts or anything says I need space she also sed me being nice was an act to be together bt it aint. So I decide to go to house late and see dat a dude was over I start gella **** two days later I take my kid to her guy cums out of his house I talk **** ready to fight against five dudes she makes me leave the guts live next door oh and he had a gun. She calls me and wants to talk I call her hoe cuss her out she swore nothing happened and others were at her house that nite she say wen I get mad she gets flashbacks of how I was. I dnt want to be witout her bt she does and I want to belive her bt cant dont know wat do